Fantasy Humor Satire

Horses Not Included

By H.L. Fullerton
351 words · 2-minute reading time
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End the world in six fun, simple steps withDo It Yourself Apocalypse*.

You will need:
• four horses
• a crown
• a scale (preferably digital with easy-to-read LED display and weight converter)
• a letter opener, and
• seven angry angels or a brass band.TIP: Anything guaranteed to wake the dead may be substituted, but it’s best if the substitute can run faster than a mob.

Instructions:
Step 1. Choose your Conquest, War, Famine and Death. Riders optional. Lead horse wears crown, second gets letter opener, third totes scale, final carries two riders. This may sound unfair for Horse No. 4 if you’re using horsemen, but with Death being skin and bones, the added weight of Hell tagging along actually evens things out.TIP: Use scale to weigh riders before assigning roles. They’ll grumble, but your horses will thank you.

Step 2. Cue music. We recommend something jaunty that horses can canter to. But notGreat Balls of Fire. Horses donotlike Jerry Lee Lewis.

Step 3. Release horses into the world one...

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