22) TGIF

By Manuel Royal
May 28, 2020 · 275 words · 1 minute


[Clipping, Donnetown Daily Elegy, Friday, March 28, 1986.  Headline: "Mayor Bundt Announces Resignation".  Subhead: "Federal Indictments Expected".]

[Following, in its entirety, is Obert Bundt's final official statement as Mayor.]

I don't deserve this.  You people do, that's for sure.  It's not for me to judge, but you will be judged, that's one lead pipe cinch.

So Kleug picked Good Friday, my favorite goddamn day in the whole year, to bring the hammer down.  Well that's priceless.  That's my wife behind that, folks, dollars to doughnuts.  Every time, every single time I'd try to talk to her about her useless family, she'd bring out that oh-so-clever question, it'd just float up through the haze of Maker's Mark, she'd say, "How's the view from up on that cross, Obie?"

She said that in front of people, all the time.  Check the reports on those JCPD domestic calls.  Woman had a mean streak.  Made a guy feel like he'd got raped in the heart.

Remember Emergent Occasions Bakery, over on St. Lucy Street?  God, they had some good doughnuts.

I'm wandering; time to wrap this up.  It has been a great privilege and honor to serve as your mayor these past three years.  God bless you all.

No, strike that.  You want an answer, Miriam?  Well, to answer your question, Miriam, the view is just fine!  You look like ants from up here, you and Kleug and that son-of-a-bitch father of yours and all your little cronies and parasites.

I'm not done, it might take more than three days but I'll be back.  All you bastards.

I swear to Christ, I will hijack City Hall if I have to.  I still got a Class A license.

All you bastards.

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