Sober Kevin is a Bitch

"Why don't you do all of us a favor and drink yourself to death," Sober Kevin says as I stumble into the bathroom. I'm coming down hard from partying and his disapproving face is the last thing I want to see before I brush my teeth. Also, there's barely enough space for one in here. "You even remember what you did last night?"

I rub my face; my eyes feel like cement. "I had a few beers with Jai and Rob. Chill."

I'm pretty sure Sober Kevin is a hallucination — a side effect of the vacay — and...