Satire Science Fiction Comedy mad scientist Mad science Humour

Genemech Announces Bio-Security Incident and Confirms Release of Giant Death Bees

By Paul Alex Gray
Jul 24, 2019 · 717 words · 3 minutes

Genemech announces bio security incident and confirms release of giant death bees 249x300

Art by Luke Spooner.  

From the author: A press release relating to the recent bio-security incident, authorized by Dr. Mackenzie Cooper, Chief Science Officer and Co-Founder Genemech.


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

VENUS SPRINGS, NEVADA, October 12th, 2019 /PRWorldWire

Genemech (NYSE: GMNX) today announced a bio-security incident originating in the company's WN45 facility. WN45 is a classified advanced manufacturing site developing a range of products and technologies used by governments and industry around the world. 

Our initial findings confirm that a premeditated act of sabotage has been carried out by a rogue scientist, Dr. Maximilian Benetton. Dr. Benetton led Genemech's Genetically Enhanced Insecta Applied Research Lab (GEIARL), which uses Clustered-Regularly-Interspaced Short Palindromic Repeat (CRISPR) augmentation techniques to implant custom RNA code into genetic material. In a manifesto published online, Give me control of Genemech or my Giant Death Bees shall paint the skies with blood, Dr. Benetton advised that a new strain of genetically modified bees have been released, using enlarged Genemech Batch 2492M GMBee©™ honeybees enhanced with venom from the taipan, a highly venomous snake endemic to Australasia.

At this time, there have been no reports of Giant Death Bee attacks.

Upon confirming the sabotage, Genemech immediately froze Dr. Benetton's access to the company's control systems and notified global authorities. Our analysis indicates that approximately 3.4 million bees were created, with 2.9 million passing larval stage. Company logs show that the bees were secretly removed from the facility on October 9th by Dr. Benetton, who has not been seen since. The location of the bees is currently unknown, although our security team analysed logs that suggest Dr. Benetton may be on Isla Salvador, an uninhabited volcanic island in the South Pacific.

"This is a disappointing event for Genemech, a technology company striving to deliver the best outcomes for our planet. I apologize to our customers, investors and the worldwide community for the inconvenience this may cause," said Chief Science Officer and Co-Founder Mackenzie L. Cooper. "We are currently considering a number of options to neutralise the threat."

Genemech confirms that GEIARL animals can have latent behavioural and biological capabilities that can only be initiated by use of certain proprietary chemical compounds. It is feasible that Dr. Benetton can activate "breed mode" and "attack mode" commands, similar to our military product lines. This may be achieved through audio signals, olfactory cues, or subtle use of light to activate the chemical compounds.

Genemech has published helpful information on our website to assist citizens of planet Earth determine any risks they may face and provide helpful information on how to respond in the event of an attack. We recommend downloading our app (available from iTunes and Google Play), which will provide warnings if the bees are activated and have been detected in your area. Fundamentally, Genemech recommends avoiding fields and flowers and fleeing any bees that you may encounter. You should remain indoors as much as possible until we confirm the threat has been neutralised. Genemech is offering a discount on our Bee, Wasp, and Scorpion survival kits comprising Bio-Chem insect repellant and double headed fly-swatters. (Visit our site or app to learn more and order.)

Genemech is exploring several workable solutions, including, but not limited to, offering Dr. Benetton a new corner office on the eleventh floor, the immediate release of enhanced T94 "Typhoon" Japanese Hornets, which will seek out and destroy all bees on Earth, or the use of a small-scale tactical nuclear strike on Isla Salvador.

Dr. Cooper said "I've instructed my entire team to give this issue their full attention. Building a bio-secure future is what drives Genemech each and every day, and we've made significant investments in this space. We recognize we must address this threat, but also strive to be a better company and global citizen. For now, stay inside and try to relax."

About Genemech

Genemech is a global genetic-engineering company that develops bio-enhanced insects, fish, reptiles, and mammals to help governments, industry, and militaries to achieve more with less. Our products include GMBee©™, the world's first disease and pesticide resistant bee, and TigerBear-3000™, used by military and police forces worldwide for riot control, general policing, and urban combat.

Founded in 2007 by renowned scientists Dr. Mackenzie L Cooper and Dr. Haruko Takahashi, Genemech is headquartered in Venus Springs, Nevada, and operates or has research facilities in 17 countries in North America, EMEA, and Asia. Its common stock is traded on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol GMNX

This story originally appeared in Mad Scientist Journal.


Data?1563983178
Paul Alex Gray

Writing tales of sentient black holes, wayward sea monsters, curious AIs and more