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Cyborg Shark Battle (Season 4, O'ahu Frenzy)

By Benjamin C. Kinney
Jan 23, 2018 · 863 words · 4 minutes

Photo by Silas Hao via Unsplash.

From the author: Will you join me in overthrowing the producers of Cyborg Shark Battle (Season 4, O'ahu Frenzy)? Don't answer now, the cameras are on you – look fierce and chug this can of Powerthirst!


Rule One of Cyborg Shark Battle (Season 4, O'ahu Frenzy): Always look fierce for the cameras. The whole crew is counting on us to make the show look good. Nobody makes money -- not us, not the producers, not the scientists -- unless we get good footage, and that means you need to look like your mind is on the game every goddamn minute.

Rule Two of Cyborg Shark Battle (Season 4, O'ahu Frenzy): Always refer to the sponsors by their brand name. You don’t need a drink, you need a Romanoff Vodka....

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