Humor Satire poetry wergle flomp nonsense verse

The Scunthorpe Problem

By Lucy Gabriel
May 28, 2019 · 130 words · 1 minute

life’s too short to remove usb safely

Photo by Sergi Kabrera via Unsplash.

From the author: This poem about the problem with email filters won an Honorable Mention in the Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest. Originally published as C.L. Holland.


Dear Sirs

I email to complain about your filter for profanity.
Its over-sensitivity’s a danger to my sanity.
Imagine if you will the embarrbuttment I face
when it subsbreastutes instead part of an ordinary phrase.

Emails last December nearly caused me a divorce
Re: my mother-in-law’s visit to us from Susintercourse.
What particularly offended was a suggestion of mine
that we take a trip to Penis Whittington in pantomime.

More recently I emailed an employment application.
No doubt they feared I showed a certain moral deviation --
my liking for Hitchwilly films failed to impress,
as did bird-watching - and my fondness for Great Breasts.

The mangled correspondence has gained me a reputation
so unpleasant it amounts to character buttbuttination.
I’d be grateful if you’d contact me to offer a solution
otherwise I will be forced to ask for further resbreastution.

Yours faithfully,

Nigel Lewis, S[content blocked]horpe.

This story originally appeared in Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest.


Lucy Gabriel

Lucy Gabriel writes poems about, well, everything.